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Tales of a Cream Obsession,
By Sally Good, TX
I have a couch covered in cowprint. There are steer horns above my doorway; red geraniums hang out of a rusty milk can on my front porch. At night I dream of far away green hills dotted with lazy grazing Jerseys, and last week I ordered 5 rolls of "Hey Diddle Diddle" wall paper border. For my kitchen. (And my kids are way past the nursery-rhyme stage.) Am I beef crazy? No. I do hail from the city that was the site of Oprah's beef slander trial last year, but it's not the beef, per se, that has me seeing spots.

I'm in love with cream.

That thick pourable heaven that coats your tongue like melted velvet with just a lick of the spoon. That liquid gold capable of transforming pasta into paradise on a plate. That buttery smooth substance that slides casually over plump strawberries, making them suddenly seductive, irresistible.

That calorie-and-cholesterol-laden little carton that might as well flash a huge neon surgeon general's warning. Come on, how bad can it be? Centuries ago, it was fed to babies. Queens bathed in it. A table set with a pitcher of rich yellow cream was, like polished silver and lace napkins, an indication of dining well.

And it remains a traditional symbol of life's finest offerings, as reflected in our language; "cream of the crop," "creme de la creme," "cream puff," and "rising to the top" pay tribute still to a mainstay-turned-condiment that was once considered ambrosial, not homicidal.

It's time we returned cream to its former elevated status. Like many pleasurable pursuits (wine, avocados, shopping, bacon, chocolate, sex, to name a few), cream can be savored guilt-free if done so in moderation. Splash a generous amount of the mother-of-all-mother's milk on a slice of warm apple pie and weep for Mama (in a truly Freudian sense)--even if she never knew where the kitchen was. Better yet, for just a week, forget the Cool Whip, the skim milk, the Creamora, the plain yogurt, and help yourself instead to a few drops of real, luscious, throat-thrilling cream. Or--go all out and combine it with any of the other aforementioned sins and become a true bacchanalian revivalist:

Toss heavy cream with hot buttered pasta and crispy crumbled bacon for an unforgettable fettucine al carbonara.
Whip a cup of hot heavy cream, half a package of chocolate chips, and an egg in the blender, then pour into wine glasses and chill for a melt-in-your- mouth chocolate mousse.,
Simmer together a cup of white wine, a cup of heavy cream, and garlic until thick; add lobster chunks; pour over angel hair pasta for indulgent lobster capellini in wine and cream sauce.
Roll up shredded seasoned chicken in flour tortillas; cover with a sauce of cream and sour cream; top with grated mozarella; bake until bubbly; sprinkle with diced avocado for creamy chicken-avocado enchiladas.
Break from winter shopping with hot coffee, whiskey, and cream for a real Irish Coffee.
Beat 1 cup heavy cream until stiff; mix in 2 tablespoons powdered sugar and 1 teaspoon vanilla. Spoon into a pastry bag and give to your lover, along with a coy half-smile and a candle, for an evening of old-fashioned Victorians' Secret.

Sally Good
A freelance writer and an University English Professor from Texas.